I woke up angry and despising the world today.
It’s mid-afternoon and I’ve finally named how I felt this morning…nor have I quit being angry and spiteful of the world. I suspect that I won’t quit this feeling until possibly I go back to sleep tonight. Then again, I might wake up angry again, cause a headache, and continue to spiral out of control.
I can’t stop myself from feeling this way. The rational, not-angry part of me can only cluck in despair because she damn well knows that this isn’t me. I think I’m a pretty upbeat person…even if I don’t express it most of the time.
But today, today I just feel like railing against the world; giving it a great big middle finger; and telling everyone what I think of them.
I recognize that this probably a result of the miscarriage. I also recognize that I haven’t had any of the other signs for depression.
I am, however, grieving.
I’ve experience grief and death before, this however, has knocked me for a loop.
I know that I’ll come out of this – it’s just how I am. But for the time being, I’m just going to sit and think angry thoughts until I run out of energy…or the rational part of me gets tired and takes control back.