I can’t believe I just did that…

I can’t believe it.

I can’t believe that I went running for the second time in as many days.  I’m not a runner.  I made fun of people who ran.  I may now grudgingly admire those people running.  Though I do have my standards right now.  Early in the morning or at dusk – none of this running at the height of the sun or heat for me, thank you very much.  I already do accidental hot yoga on the weekends.  No need to add to my insanity.

So, who am I going to blame for this spat of wanting to be more physically fit? LAF for all her waxing about running?  No.

That’s not fair.  I know who’s to blame.  And that person would be me.

*sigh*

I’m doing the whole could to 3k thing on my mobile, so I don’t have to keep track of when I need to switch from walking to jogging/running.  I felt ridiculous the entire time I was running, like I wasn’t supposed to be running, I was supposed to be walking and look how ridiculous you are trying to run like all the other runners.

I told that part of my brain to shut the fuck up.  I was going to start running and I would run it into the ground if it didn’t shut up. It shut up…for the time being.  I’m sure that hypercritical part of myself (and who doesn’t have a hypercritical part of themselves) will just run along with me tomorrow when I attempt day three.

I briefly touched up the impostor syndrome in this post, way back when (read:  earlier this year).  I often wonder if this impostor syndrome isn’t a symptom of some other underlying cause (ie low self-esteem) but then I tend to just say, well, fuck it.  Do it anyway.  Then I shrug, shelve the damn thought and do it anyway.  I suppose it would be healthier to examine why I doubt myself so much (and I have a few theories) but in the grand scheme of things,

I am amazed that I could do the 60 second running without giving up….even if I feel ridiculous doing it.  But whatever.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to collapse.

*thunk*

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