I can’t apologize for something I believe in.
I went to a smallish high school in the southern part of a state in the southern part of the country. For a long time I was the only Asian person in the school. I learned to blend in enough that no one bothered me or forgot that I was there. I was in all the smart classes and was a good kid – never joining the popular kids when they went out to the woods to drink every weekend – sometimes on weeknights, depending on what was going on at school the next day.
When senior year finally rolled around, I thought finally. Finally, some room to breathe. But of course that’s not what happened; it’s never what you plan it to be. I had college to think of and I needed to be involved in extra curriculum activities – the right ones, of course – that would look good to a college recruiter. So, back into my shell I went, expressing myself really only on paper and keeping most of my thoughts tucked away in my bursting little brain.
Yearbook photos took place and all of us thought long and hard about what our quote would be. Would mine be a Beatles quote? A R.E.M. quote? Indigo Girls? That seemed so typical of me. (I’m quite surprised myself that I didn’t dig up a literary quote, but I didn’t and I don’t know why.) I thought long and hard about what my quote would be, something that would be essentially me.
Let me back a bit here.
In the early 90’s I found zines. I got my hot little hands on whatever zines I could find. I even created a few when I was in college and I believe an online magazine – nothing slick. Not like Uppagus (and yes, that was a blatant shout out to a friend); mine was text based, but let’s not talk about that, okay? Anyway, back to the zines. One of the zines I was obsessed with was K Composite Magazine. Sure, I had no idea what the underground Louisville music was all about – punk, of course – but I was *fascinated* that there was this…magazine that apparently interviewed his friends or local people. I had never seen something like it. It was mind blowing. (Yes, I am still obsessed with zines. I have a collection that I will eventually part with someday and that someday will break my fucking heart because that’s my youth. Sorry, I’ve gone off the rails again.)
Along with the zines, I bought a couple of tapes from said underground Louisville punk scene. One of them was Sunspring from Slamdek Records. (Well, at least I think it was Sunspring, remember I’m in no way punk.) Anyway, there was a line in a song that I barely remember now but back in 1995 spoke volumes to me.
And that was going to be my quote.
My sincerest apologies if I attributed it to the wrong band. Remember, I’m sort of an idiot.